Code Name D.A.D. … Damaged Assets Dominate

How do you ask for something that when you ask, you feel guilty as sh1t??????

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Three Blogs written yesterday. THREE

And I did not get any of the posted?????

And there were real tear the heart open, bare it all, expose everything I have post. Crap my therapist says I should be letting out. REally sucks that it goes all to waste. Cannot wait to tell him about this!!!!

"See, Doc. I TOLD you expressing myself was a bad idea? Even the internet ignored it!!!"

 

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

 

 

 

 

I am going insane. I am going for help. Because right now I am having self destructing ideas that seem to be the only option.

Conversation I know I have had, no one seems to remember. Messages I know I cannot find any record of. I know I sent them, but there is no sign of them.

I’ve always joked about the “voices in my head”. Maybe they are real. OK, I knwo they are not real, but why the hell, do I know I have done all these things and no one else knoews about them. Am I truly living in some sort of fantasy. Have I truly lost my mind? What the hell is going on? I am now officially scared.
I got the phone number for my work’ counciling service. My paranoia is through the roof. I really do think everyone is after me. Icannot seem to do anything right or please anyone.

I’m scared right now. More scared than I ever have been.

Baby I’m amazed at the way you love me all the time
Baby I’m afraid of the way I love you
Baby I’m amazed at the way you pulled me out of time
And hung me on a line

Baby I’m amazed at the way I really need you
Baby I’m a man maybe I’m a lonely man
Who’s in the middle of something
That he doesn’t really understand

Baby I’m a man and maybe you’re the only woman
Who could ever help me
Baby won’t you help me understand,Oooohh

Baby I’m a man, maybe I’m a lonely man
Who’s in the middle of something
That he doesn’t really understand

Baby I’m a man and maybe you’re the only woman
Who could ever help me
Baby won’t you help me understand, oohhh

Baby I’m amazed at the way you’re with me all the time
Baby I’m afraid of the way I leave you
Baby I’m amazed at the way you help me sing my song
Right me when I’m wrong
Baby I’m amazed at the way I really need you

Oh,Oh,ohhh, yeah, oh,oh ohhh yeahh Oo-oo

Maybe I didn’t love you quite as good as I should have,
Maybe I didn’t hold you quite as often as I could have,
Little things I should have said and done,
I just never took the time.

 

You were always on my mind;
You were always on my mind.

 

Maybe I didn’t hold you all those lonely, lonely times,
And I guess I never told you, I’m so happy that you’re mine,
If I made you feel second best,
I’m sorry, I was blind.

 

You were always on my mind,
You were always on my mind,

 

Tell me, tell me that your sweet love hasn’t died,
Give me, give me one more chance to keep you satisfied,
If I made you feel second best,
I’m sorry, I was blind.

 

You were always on my mind,
You were always on my mind.

Lent
1. period before Easter in Christian calendar: the period of 40 weekdays before Easter observed in some Christian churches as a period of prayer, penance, fasting, and self-denial. This period, starting on Ash Wednesday in Western churches, commemorates the 40 days that Jesus Christ spent fasting in the wilderness.
Sacrifice
1. giving up of something valued: a giving up of something valuable or important for somebody or something else considered to be of more value or importance
2. something valued and given up: something valuable or important given up as a sacrifice
3. loss in giving up something valued: a loss incurred by giving away or selling something below its value
4. religion offering to god: an offering to honor or appease a god, especially of a ritually slaughtered animal or person
5. religion something or somebody offered to god: something or somebody offered to honor or appease a god
 
Fasting
1. going without food: abstention from food, or some types of food, especially as an act of religious observance
 
No coffee
No caffeinated beverages
No masturbation
No red meat on Fridays (may switch to no meat on Fridays)
Daily Prayer

NEED……. No
DESIRE…..Yes

WANT……..Yes
GIVING…..No

SELFISH…………yes

*sigh*

And with that self assessment, I will call it a night.

I try and cook. Am I good? I don’t know. I am learning. I hold myself to an extremely high standard though. I know that I do some things well. And I know some things that the others in my world think I do well.

But to me, I am still looking for that perfect………….That perfect whatever it is.

The best part is that I have reached a point where rarely do I serve anything that is bad. True I am extremely limited on what I can and do cook. And I have reached the point where people’s health is no longer a concern. Truthfully, I am getting to the point where they are asking for more. Yeah, I’ll say it….YAY ME.

So this weekend, I plan to do a bit of cooking. A Little this. A little that. Some of the other.

And it will be a yummy time had by all……..