Code Name D.A.D. … Defeat Anger Daily

November 16, 2009

I’ve got my spine, I’ve got my orange crush

It has not been a good week for me.

It has been an awesome weekend.

It has been a horrible weekend.

And the best part, damnable part of it all … it is all my owning freaking fracking fault.

 

I can’t talk. I won’t talk. I don’t want anyone to hurt, and by my silence,  I maybe doing more damage than is imagined. 

I live my life with the attitude that my problems are exactly that…my problems. 

I dont want anyone else to be brought down by everything that I have and my issues.

The fun part about this attitude, is that I hold no one but myself to this standard. And if I heard it from anyone else, I would tell them that they are making a big mistake. I have reasons for this attitude that one day I will delve into. But tonight. Tonight is about that lovely friend insomnia that has broken back in.

I try so hard not to hurt anyone; everyone around me is in fear.  At work I put on my mask and  grind on through. Work issues cannot be talk about at work due to the political structure. Who is friends with who still rules. Go to the right church, join the right club…..Stab the right back, drop the correct rumour…..POWER AND PROMOTION. Very few know how I feel at work. And even fewer know my personal life.

Well, enough of my whining. Time to replace the shields build the walls and realign my mask. There is a world to perform for….Let’s not  let reality get in the way.

 

I hate this. I am trying so hard to break out. I do not want to be like this.

 

*SIGH*

November 8, 2009

And the hits just keep on rolling…..Stay tuned for a “B” side classic

Filed under: Uncategorized

Things have been going great for a while. Work happy. Personal Happy. Relationship awesome.

 

 

I am doing horrible tonight.

 

 

Brain wont stop. 

 

 

Keeps going bad places.

 

 

Would love to talk this out, but have no clue what to say.

 

 

Fuvk

October 22, 2009

Last night was a bad night. I looked at my life and for a time could not find a positive. I was twice divorced. I am in the exact same job and position as I was years ago. My girlfriend was pissed at me. I was failing her in different ways. The students I am teaching at work did horrid on their first assessment. I had a promotion at work a while back, but was demoted in a political move.
So, I went to bed in a shitty mood. And woke up in a worse mood. I tried to hide it as best I could this morning. I then decided that this wasn’t working for me. I had pulled myself down. I had made my own funk. Did/do I have reason to be down? Maybe. Probally. I don’t know. What I DO know is that I have control of how I handle my emotions. And to choose to be depressed does not make sense. It is my choice.
I will lie to myself if I have to until I either am happy; or can hide it enough. Convince those around me is easy. Convincing myself is dificult. But….
It will be done

October 13, 2009

Call now to take advantage of this limited time offer….but wait…THERE’S MORE!!!!

Filed under: Work

I work for a major government entity. I will not mention which one. However, this one I have to share….

 

The person who was the head of my city and the entire department has recently retired. I have not been happier about a personnel move like that in YEARS. But before she left, she made one more of her monumental, brilliant decisions. She decided to upgrade the televisions in all of our break rooms.

 

Great idea, right? And we got NICE televisions. 60 inch plasma flat screens. DVD and VCR combination machines. Sweet deal, right? But someone got afraid that these may be stolen or vandalized. So the decision was made to move these TV’s into training rooms. The secured training rooms. The training rooms where training classes are being held.

 

So we now have at least seven TVs, converter boxes, antennas and DVD/VCR that are now not being used at all.

 

Your tax dollars at work, once again…..

 

October 7, 2009

Back, and this time with Sparkles!!!!

Filed under: Finding Myself

So it has been a long time since I have blogged. Which I find funny, because I really have a lot to say. 93% of what I have to say is good. Do you, my loyal readers have what it takes to handle a happy D.A.D.?? A D.A.D. who is in a healthy steady wunnermous relationship???

Let’s find out!!!!!!!

One of the more exciting things that has happened in my life is a good old fashion, doctor diagnosised, version pf pneumonia. And let me tell that literally sucks the life breath out of you. It has been a bit exciting. One night, I am in that fun little stage where I am not asleep but not awake. I heard this little voice that said “You think that is funny; Watch this!!!!” I really did HEAR this voice.  

Hey, I always like humour. So I opened my eyes. But what I saw was just a wee bit out of place. I was looking DOWN on myself and seeing my girlfriend looking and yelling out my name. This was a very interesting perspective. That went on for about 30 seconds when I finally heard / felt/ did a soul shattering tear and breath. It felt as if it was almost my soul being pulled away. Next thing I new, I was back in bed, looking at my girlfriend and then talking to her.

Luckily, I do not believe I can have an out of body experience so I know that is not what it was. Who says denial is unhealthy??????

 

Enough of the whiney butt……

I really do plan to start blogging more. Great things have happened at work. More to follow!!!!!!!

September 18, 2009

…… to sleep; perchance to dream

Filed under: Uncategorized

Something really weird happened last night. Now I am afraid to go to sleep….

August 18, 2009

Lessons for Uncle Jimmy….

Filed under: Uncategorized

Lessons of life from Jimmy Buffett. Yeah……THAT Jimmy Buffett. Is he my actual Uncle? No. But I have decided to adopt him as one. It is his music that I song to my kids while they were still in the NICU. Author, poet, Musician, Philosopher…. And before you doubt his acheviements….

 

Buffett has written three No. 1 best sellers. Tales from Margaritaville and Where Is Joe Merchant? Both spent over seven months on the New York Times Best Seller fiction list. His book A Pirate Looks At Fifty went straight to No. 1 on the New York Times Bestseller non-fiction list, making him one of seven authors in that list’s history to have reached No. 1 on both the fiction and non-fiction lists. The other six authors who have accomplished this are Ernest Hemingway, John Steinbeck, William Styron, Irving Wallace, Dr. Seuss and Mitch Albom.

Pretty impressive compnay…..Now onto the lessons..

Lesson One: Never forget - they are the enemy.
This is anyone who stand between you and your dreams, you and your happiness or even just you and your next drink

Lesson Two: Just remember, assholes are born that way, and they don’t usually change.
You cannot make someone into who they are not. And always watch if you start to see a change

Lesson Three: You do not want to go to jail.
Self explanatory…..And so so true

Lesson Four: When you start to take this job seriously, you’re in trouble.
I "have" to take my job seriously….But I have realized, that I only have to act like it is serious

Lesson Five: It takes no more time to see the good side of life than it takes to see the bad.
I see this an finding that flower in a pile of shit. Look for good times no matter where you are. Smile. Make someone laugh.

Lesson Six: If you decide to run with the ball, just count on fumbling and getting the shit knocked out of you a lot, but never forget how much fun it is just to be able to run with the ball.

This has become my new motto in life. Sure. Shit is going to happen. "They" will try and stop you. Assholes will be asshole. Sometimes you do go to jail. But never forget to live life. LIVE. Dont just exsist. Take chances. Feel the rush. Have fun.

August 11, 2009

EEwwwwww

Filed under: Uncategorized

I just saw SpongeBob Squarepants in a backless french maid outfit.

 

Well, there is a fantasy destroyed

August 10, 2009

Stories from the Book of Barogelmon

Barogelmon had a pet tiger and he and his tiger were inseperable. But since this was a tiger, for obvious reasons there were times and places that he could not take it places. He wanted to be with his tiger and the tiger missed him also. And Barogelmon had no interest in any other pets.

Now Barogelmon always loved animals of all kinds. Big ones, little ones and most animals liked him also. But he always tried to keep them at arms length. And they always belonged to someone else.

But it seemed that once he got his tiger, everywhere Barogelmon went there were strays and other animals following him around. When Barogelmon was looking for a pet, he could not find anything, and now that he has one that fits him so well, they seem to be everywhere.

He doesn’t want to reject any of these animals, but he knows he cannot take them all home. Nor does he even want to adopt any of them.

Odd how they all seem to want to be around when he has no interest in them

August 8, 2009

Life is good…..

Sometimes, everything just seems to come together.

da Missus is soon to officially be the ex-missus. Paperwork w/ the courts to make it official. It still hurts. It may always have a twinge of pain, but progress is being made. Everything is amicable. No real issues, judge just has to sign it.

Work is still a pain. I still get frustrated at many of the people who I see get promoted, and even more frustrated at many I see in higher jobs, but I am not letting it get to me. I keep fighting. And I am also now starting to make it well know to those above that I need more duties, and more additional assignments. More work? Yes, but more of a chance of being noticed.

da Twinsies are growing mentally and physically almost as I blink. They make me laugh all day. So much energy. So much fun. So much EVERYTHING.

And then there is my new girlfriend. Wow. I mean damn. I mean there is just so much it is almost overwhelming. She is in my mind all the time. It is frightening. She and I have know each other forever. But this has been the first time we have tried to be an "us". There was always someone or something or whatever in the way. But now, we are giving it a try. And yes, I can say it…. I am in love ! ! ! ! ! ! Guess that is all for now, updates to come






















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