Weird Places My Mind Goes …
Strawberry Swirl
Cherry Blossum
Sunny Daze
Stripper names????
Or My Little Pony names????????
April 29, 2007
April 24, 2007
da Missus
Today da Missus went out and bought some new clothes.
She has lost a full dress size. The dress she bought is gorgeous and looks phenomenal on her.
She also went out and bought some new lingerie. I cannot wait to see it.
I am so proud of her …..
April 19, 2007
Speed Freak for a Week
Last Thursday I started the meds. I took them Thursday, Friday, and Sunday. I have not taken them this week.
All of my research talks about anger explosions. I have discovered better anger management while taking them.
I will be returning to taking them.
Da Missus and I got into a huge fight today, and while, I do believe all of my points were valid, I was horrid in the delivery. I just hope I have not destroyed the marriage in the mean time.
Luckily, I did find out some things I did not know and will have to decipher how I feel about them.
Of course, it may not matter……
April 18, 2007
Wet Wednesday # 26
1) What one sexual fantasy have you thought about (but never acted upon), but would definitely do if the opportunity presented itself? Strangely enough, while I am very non-Aggressive and non-violent, I have always fantasized about a "rape" fantasy where I take her by force. But if given the opportunity, I would still probably never act on it due to the fact I usually have to much respect for my partners to try it. I guess I really did not answer that one. I am still awaiting another FMF with da Missus. 3) What fantasy, image, or thought can send you over the top (or at least, right up to the edge) in no time flat? Wow, did this blog bring up all kinds of thoughts. Right now da Missus and I are doing so well in so many ways. And, in my opinion our sex life is still quite good, but, we are "missing" in many ways. I want long slow night long love making sessions. She wants hard quick fucks. She wants to explore D/s, and I just am not able to be Dominate for her. When I try and go rough, I hurt her, but not in a sexual way, but more of an “I annoyed her and am doing it wrong” way.
2) When you fantasize, is there any one specific act, individual, or scenario that you find yourself thinking about more often than others? Walking in and catching da Missus with another woman. As they finish, they look up and see me there and proceed to use me physically in everyway imaginable.Nicole Kidman in a swimming pool filled with strawberry-banana Jell-O. Even after 8 years, memories of the first weekend with da Missus still rock my socks.
Am I just being paranoid?
April 17, 2007
TMI Tuesday #79
1. My biggest sexual turnoff is __________? Hairy Body. I do’nt mean stubble, but some a female with longer leg hair than mine. Ruins the mood
2. Do you prefer natural tastes or flavored lubes? To my recollection, never tried flavours….But rarely have had a problem with natural
3. How much money would it take to convince you to get on stage naked? I’ll never state the price, make me an offer and we can negotiate.
4. Have you ever been to an AA meeting or similar support group meeting? Yes. Bad experience
5. Do you wear socks to bed? Is that okay or totally unsexy? OMG….There is nothing in the world worse than wearing socks while sleeping. Mine will migrate off, if I somehow fall asleep with them on. On the other person, does not matter a bit.
Bonus (as in optional): Ever been arrested? Turned someone in/had someone arrested? Yes……And I used to work in Security, so that was part of the job sometimes.
Deflowered….AGAIN
Last night, da Missus and I decided to have some fun and took some pictures. You know those kinds of pictures. And yes, 75% of them were of her. (Well, she is the good looking one).
And I had a blast taking them, posing her, positioning her and guiding as I could.
Some were sexy, some were erotic, and some were straight old fashion porn. Some were all of the above, depending on how they were edited.
This was the first time a lover of any sort has ever allowed that type of intimacy. This was the first time a lover ever wanted to partake. This was the first time a lover (or anyone else) has ever taken photographs of me in that “state”.
Last night may have been on of the most erotic things I have ever been a part of.
I can never thank da Missus enough for allowing me that experience.
Last night may have been more memorable than my first time……And if it does start to fade from my memory…..
I still have the pictures.
April 16, 2007
Note to self …
On a day you decide to go "commando", try and remember not to wear the jeans that the zipper "slips"
Speed Freak … Day 5
I woke up this morning and remembered that I had promised to make a peach cobbler at work. So I began the process…
- Empty the dishwasher…….This should have been done already
- Load the dishwasher…… Cast keeps getting in way, too many dishes…Frustration growing
- da Twins start circling …. Underfoot… In the way…. GGGrrrrrrrr
- Start getting supplies out for cobbler …… da Boy asking 974,346,367,363,121,888 questions about everything we are doing. He is my cooking helper. Head throbbing. Try and explain all.
- Build and make cobbler….. Both of da Twins are now helping. Ever try and cook with two 4 yr olds "helping”???
- Bake cobbler … Read email … Continue to answer da boys 333,836,213,585,166 questions.
- Remove cobbler…..Looks awesome!!!!!!
Observations of process…
- Frustration level got rather high. Flares of anger never appeared. Did I raise my voice? Yes. Did I yell at da Twins??? Yes. Do I like either of those things?? NO. But, hey, this is ADD medication, not the Hand of God. Never once did I get the feel of loss of control or needing away.
- Kitchen still cleaner now than it was before I started. A first in my cooking endeavors.
- Putting together the cobbler was easier than it has ever been. No new steps showed up in the recipe. No ingredients got doubled or left out. All steps stayed in order.
Interesting. Now, the stuff that I am on is an "Extended Release" dosage and I am at the very end of the medicine cycle. I have not taken it today, and am still on the tail end of yesterday’s dosage.
The thing that has me the most intrigued is the anger management side of this. With all my research I cannot find anything that discusses that an affect or side affect. Maybe without all the internal noise, I can use more brain power to keep cool. Maybe the noise had gotten so loud that everything was being used to organize it and nothing is left over to keep control.
Further observation is needed on that one.
Next couple of days will tell me the most. I will be working almost 12 hour days, each day in the most difficult environment.
April 15, 2007
Medical Warning …
Continue taking SuperSpeed Pill and talk to your doctor if you have any of these less serious side effects:
-
BLAH
-
BLAH
-
Yada
-
Yada
-
Yada; or
-
loss of interest in sex (Has not Happened), impotence (Not Sure about, have not been put to the Test), or difficulty having an orgasm (da Missus is hoping for. Long Lasting, and great taste??).
Speed Freak … Day 4
So, I have been on the juice for 3 of the last 4 days… What have we learned??
- I have not noticed that I am not getting much more of my work done at the job yet. I know that I am still in an adjustment period, and trying to deal with the sickening silence, but I also may find out that there is just too much to do.
- I always joke that ADD was not really a problem. My quote was always, "You call it ADD, I call it mental multi-tasking." Until I started taking this medicine, I never realized how many things I was doing at once. A little here; a little there. While I feel I have lost a lot of the ability do to as many things at once, I am actually starting one project and finishing the same project before working on something else. Very odd concept for me.
- I understand a whole new concept of mental fatigue. In the past, with the brain pan jumping from this to that to the other, I would never work on one thing for so long that I would get tired of it. My brain, jumping here there and yon, always provided mental breaks to clear my head. The mental tired in the past came from getting and staying focused, and now it comes from focusing too much on one thing.
- I feel that I have lost some of spontaneity that I have had in the past. With all of the things that were randomly firing in my head, craziness and creativity resulted. That is missed. I know it is still there. Maybe once I adjust (if I adjust) to the fact that everything is not going on at once, I can re-tap into those things.
- HOLY SHIT I AM NUCKING FUTZ OFF THE SHIT!!! Notice I said "3 of 4" days at the top? Well I forgot my hit yesterday. And by that evening, I saw results. I was trying to clean the kitchen, while cooking, while chatting online, while talking to my wife, while playing with the kids, while organize my next week’s schedule all at the same time. Due to the fact I have seen things that I had never seen before, one part of me realized how insane that was. But it also felt natural. Why??? Because that is what I have done for 35 years. 97 things at one time, but few of them done well.
- I am seeing so many of the coping mechanisms that I have consciously and subconsciously developed over the years. For example, due to the fact I could never focus long enough internally on directions or instructions, I have always excellent at skimming and then improvising. I hope to keep the ability to fly by the seat of my pants, but now also have the ability to actually see how things are supposed to be done.
I see good things and bad things with this stuff. And I do realize that I am still in an adjustment period. If I stay on my crack, I will have to unlearn a lot of things that were, to me, survival skills. My coping mechanisms that I used to stay focused in the past; I find myself still doing them, but they are a distraction. I now know what it means to concentrate. I never realized that I had never concentrated on one thing before. EVER.
However, I feel that by gaining the ability to concentrate and focus has cost me my creativity and spontaneity.
Is it worth it??? We shall see.
P.S. I had to re do 80% of this post due to the fact I screwed up and deleted the original. I know damn good and well that 5 days ago, I would have cursed at the computer and never redone the post. Now I curse and it got finished. But I feel that this one is not as good.
