Code Name D.A.D. … Defeat Anger Daily

Not sure why, but I felt I need to post this.

Sometimes I look back and try to figure out why things happen and did my past lead to where I am today.

Back in the day, a long long time ago, I discovered that girls did not have cooties and could be pretty interesting to be around. This led to the fascinating social dance called dating, followed by going steady, and so on and so forth. Up until my senior year I dated a lot of girls. Never anything serious, mainly because I was too obtuse to realize that girls wanted me to pay attention to them. I would go out with a girl and we would have a good time. There would be lots of promise. But due to soccer, band, the rock group I was in, church activities, social activities this that and the other, I may not ask that girl out for a few more weeks. By then they had decided I was not interested in them and they had moved on. And everyone said I had a short attention span. But that is not about this. This is about the list of "long-term" relationships I have had.

CH - My first long term serious girlfriend. She and I started dating my senior year of high school. We made it together until Spring of my Freshmen year of college. I was not "faithful". We remained friends though, up until only about 8 to 10 years ago. She wore white at her wedding. It was proper for her to do so. Possibly my last "normal" relationship.

CA - She and I met in the Fall my freshman year in college. I lost my virginity to her. We met at a drunken road trip party. I tried to get serious because she was my first. She did not want that. To her I was just a fuck that lasted for a while. We were together about 3 months.

RE - She and I last about 9 months. During this time, we had at least 4 pregnancy "scares". Interesting how that happened since we ALWAYS used rubbers. Always. Almost bi-weekly breaks ups. Fighting or fucking. Fucking or fighting. She was responsible for my senior ring getting destroyed. 50% of our fights ended up with me getting slapped or hit. I slapped her back one time. This was after the third time in the argument that she had slapped me. Thank Gawd for multiple witnesses to that situation. That was a fun talk with the school cops. Emotional scars are still visible.

KR - My first wife. Bad case of "Hey, this looks like fun. Everyone ELSE is doing it, let’s do it too!!!" And that was why we ended up getting married. Emotional and physical neglect. Was basically informed more times than I can count when discussing issues I was having with the relationship, "Sorry, this is how it is. Get over it or deal with it yourself."

JA - First girl out of my marriage. First girl I ever picked up at a bar for a semi-serious relationship. Ex-coke / heroin / acid user. Had herpes. Mental midget. She had enough  emotional damage that she could make a therapist rich. Hot body though. She and I only dated a few months, but she was very helpful in a lot of ways because she went out with me. She gave me a bit of confidence after all the damage my first wife had done. No sex of course.

DA - Good relationship, horrid ending. Lots of scars from that one. As with all relationships, it ended long before we actually broke up. We started to drift apart. Then she got a new position at her work. She worked 11p to 7 am. I was working at my job from 3:30p until Midnight. Her work was 15 minutes from our apartment. 30 minutes with traffic. She started getting home later and later in the morning. Then she started not getting home until sometimes in the afternoon. I would get concerned and call her. My car at the time was not always reliable. I was worried. She said those phone calls were me trying to control her. Then she just stopped coming to our apartment all together at least while I was home. After 6 weeks of not knowing where she was, if she was moving out, with all of her belongings still at our apartment, I finally had to go up to her work and inform her that if she wanted her belongings, she had a week to get them out. Security met me at the door explaining that I needed to leave. They explained that they did not want to have to call the police. There was no need for any type of an incident. Police??? Incident??? WTF??? I calmly explained to the security man (Whom I thought I was friends with) to tell DA that she needed to get her stuff out. At this point, I finally realized that she had a new boyfriend. Damn, aren’t I the smart one????? 7 months after telling her to get her shit out of my apartment, she had a baby. Not premature. No, not mine.

CI - Total and complete carnal relationship. Sex. Often. Creative. Wild. Still talk to her occasionally. If she still lived in the area I know damn good and well that she and da Missus would be full time Fuck Buddies and I would reap the benefits. Can you say FFM 3-ways???

LE - My first internet girlfriend. Oh my, oh my, did she love to fuck with the old brain pan. She kept me hanging on the edge. During this time I found out that I sometimes talk in my sleep. She would conduct "interviews" as I slept. Took notes and everything. Would drop little gems of information that she found out about me as I slept while we were out with groups of friends. She would use this information against me. She would hold it over my head. Much fun. We broke up. Stayed "friends". I met someone new and she “found out” she was pregnant supposedly with my child. Continued the mind fuck until the supposed miscarriage and for a few months on after that even. Did everything she could to destroy my budding relationship with the one who would become da Missus. LE had no interest in having me back, but she also did not want anyone else to have me.

da Missus - My current wife. LOL….I think enough of this blog has been dedicated to her, don’t you?

Not sure of why I felt the need to post all of this, but it has been a very cathartic experience.

No, not of me…..But because I am one lucky SOB

 

GO here 

1. who was the last person to crush/hit on you that you were NOT attracted to? I have a number of gay friends at work who are very adamantly trying to get me to switch teams. Probably one of them

2. who was the last person you crushed/hit on that was not attracted to YOU? HHHmmm…..83.4% of the women I hit on. Maybe more…

3. have you ever done anything sexual with someone you were not attracted to? why did you go through with it? Yes. I still ask myself that nearly everyday.

1. When you orgasm, do you hold your breath? Sometime…..Usually….
2. Have you ever had sex or played around with a celebrity? No
3. Do you think prostitution should be legal? Why or why not? Yes, because it is a valuable service. If made legal it can be regulated and kept much cleaner. Only time here it is enforced is when the cops need $$. They makes some bust, charge a bunch of fines. Why not tax it properly and let the cops attempt to take care of real crime.
4. How do you masturbate? With my hand Do you romance yourself? LOL….Not really, it is not needed, i rarely have to romance my self. I am usually going to say yes, without all the work. Get straight to the point? Mostly Read erotic material? Occasionally
5. Which gives you the most pleasure - intercourse, masturbating for/with your partner, being masturbated by your partner. Each has it’s place. Intercourse probably, but…..Truthfully though, it has been such a long time since my partner has masturbated me….

Bonus (as in optional): Have you ever had a crush on a relative? No

Is it just me, or does anyone else have this issue???

 

The more problems, the more issues, the time that the most is going on in your life and you NEED to blog, somehow you cannot come up with the words……

da Missus is still mad at me.

 

She is mad at me for some things I did in the beginning of our relationship. (She moved to Dallas in July of 1999)

 

She is mad at me because apparently of how I treated her during our first pregnancy. (August 2000 until Feb of 2001) 

 

She is mad at me for how I acted when she was pregnant with da Twinsies. (Born January 2003)

 

She is mad at me for the R/L affair I had. (Affair was in March? of 2004. She found out in September of 2004)

 

She is still mad at me for many other things.

 

She is still mad.

 

I am not saying that she should forget these things. I am not saying she should act as if nothing has happened. But I found out last night…..She is still activly upset about all of this.

 

I have totally changed who I am. I have totally changed the marriage relationship. I have become everything she asks me to be.

 

It is still not enough. I am still not enough.

 

I have just now decided to start the clock. It is now only a matter of time before she leaves me.

 

TICK TICK TICK

 

A week or so ago, da Missus and I spend a few days really getting the house clean. And for the most part, it has stayed that way.

 

One of the things we did was discuss how we would divide up some of the house work.

 

She would wash and dry the clothes, as long as I put them up was the deal. No discussion of who would round up and separate the laundry. Also, all of her undies, socks, and jammies would be put into one basket for her to put away.

 

Reality….I spent all weekend gathering, sorting, washing, drying and putting away laundry. We were seriously backed up. Probably did close to a dozen loads. She did none of it. Her basket of things is still out at the foot of the bed.

 

She would pre-wash all dishes and put them in the dishwasher, I would put them up.

 

Reality ….. Dishwasher is empty. It has been empty for a week. The sink is totally full, and dishes are now spilling onto the counter.

 

Each day, da Twinsies toys that had been dragged into the living room would be put away, by da Twinsies.

 

Reality…….Each day, more and more toys are being left out. I either put them away or have da Twinsies put them away first thing in the morning.

 

I really thought we had hit a turning point. I guess we have not. Looking back, I was really hoping that the entire housecleaning was not just because her new boyfriend was coming over.

 

Silly Me.

 

Maybe I need to realize that where I just thought I was her submissive, in reality, I am her slave.

 

1. What was your first job? Mowing Lawns

2. When did you go to your first funeral? Dunno. I know the first I remember was my Mom’s Mom’s.

3. What is the sexiest word in the English dictionary? Either Zamboni or Kiosk….WTF??? What kind of question is that???? A single word is not sexy, context attitue can make them sexy,,,,

4. Are you left handed or right handed? RIGHT Which direction does the top of your head lean when you kiss on the lips? All depends the direction her head goes.

5. Males: Which way do you dress? Females: Which breast is larger? LMAO!!! LEFT, Go LEFT YOUNG MAN

Bonus (as in optional):Define sexy? Attitude, confidence, deference, control. Sexy is what turns you on, mental, physical, emotional

I am still here. I have been overwhelmed by a lot of things at both home and work. I was just about in a place where I was ready to blog again, and my computer dies.

Too many things going on right now. I am not sure how much I want to post to everyone. I do not like passwording.

 

Lots of turmoil, upheaval and unrest. Maybe some day soon……

 

No, I did not miss a week….THEY did 

 

1. have you ever crushed on, hooked up with, or dated anyone you’ve worked with? how did that work out? Tried a few times, but have not had a lot of luck with it. Now, on the other hand, da Missus and I worked together for awhile…

2. have you ever reported or ratted out any office romances (including your own, perhaps for a bit of sweet revenge?) at your workplace? what was the result? No, no reason to.

3. i have a confession … i had sex with The Husband on my boss’ desk a few years ago. have you ever had sex in the workplace? where was it? and, more importantly, HOW was it? Once a little bit of idle groping. It was actually across the way in the training complex. It was so so. Oddly enough, da Missus and I worked together and never managed. Of course, we were not as daring back then.