Code Name D.A.D. … Defeat Anger Daily

Pills or not….Sometimes shit just sucks.

More details to come…..Debating just how much still I want to openly talk about here. Let’s just say that I am probably more hurt right now than I ever have been in my entire life.

For those who read http://amy-elle.net/blog/ her site is temporarily down. She will be back in a few days.

Well, I have been on my antidepressant since Monday, and I have got to say, this is some good stuff. No more paranoia. No more thoughts of self-destruction. No more minute doubts that go with life causing me to break down into a quivering mass. Wish I was man enough to admit I had this problem earlier.

Best part of this stuff? Me taking it makes da Missus a whole lot nicer….

I have sarted taking an antidepressant. We shall see.

da Missus is dating Silent Bob and married to Jay. No wonder my life is so screwed.

I now have given myslef permission to get stoned. 

This is written in humour. I think.

Overall, I had a really good week, all thing considering. I still have lots of issues.I am going to go into them in length below, but be warned….My brain ain’t right.

I SO want to see this movie…

SPEEDRACER!!!!! 

One of the things that I used to do on my blog is post things that I had found that amused me, made me think, or what ever.

THIS artilce truly made my day. WOW…how do you explain THAT to the wife??? Or to your boss.

TOO FUNNY 

I cannot say that I am better. I am a hell of a lot smarter than that. I know the last couple of post were a bit on the negative side.

Am I better? No

Do anything spectacularly wonderful happen today to put me in a better mood? No

But today was a good day. I am realizing a number of different things.

• I have a problem
• I have a problem that I need to get help for
• I have a partner that is not going to dump me when I am getting/needing help

I figure these things may be the beginning steps of pulling out. I know we all have upswings and downswings. We all have good days and bad days. But today, when something happened that I did not like, I did not feel out of control. I did not feel like the world was ending. I did not feel like I was worthless.

 And that is where I have been. Work tells me that I am needed on a different project? I knew that I was about to be fired. Wife walked by and ignored when I blew her a kiss? Well, the marriage is over. I tell my kids to do something / quit doing something and they ignored me? Well, I am the worst parent in the world and I am turning them into Jeffrey Dahmer/Hanoi Hannah.

This is what depression can do. The brain just does not seem to work right.

But that is not what this is about. This is about today being a good day. Let us all hope for more of these until I can get the help I need. 

WARNING……SERIOUSLY DEEP AND DEPRESSING POST. THESE THOUGHT ARE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU CROSS ADD WITH DEPRESSION!!!!! READ AT YOU OWN RISK!!!!!!!