Today…..Today was a good day.
I cannot say that I am better. I am a hell of a lot smarter than that. I know the last couple of post were a bit on the negative side.
Am I better? No
Do anything spectacularly wonderful happen today to put me in a better mood? No
But today was a good day. I am realizing a number of different things.
- I have a problem
- I have a problem that I need to get help for
- I have a partner that is not going to dump me when I am getting/needing help
I figure these things may be the beginning steps of pulling out. I know we all have upswings and downswings. We all have good days and bad days. But today, when something happened that I did not like, I did not feel out of control. I did not feel like the world was ending. I did not feel like I was worthless.
And that is where I have been. Work tells me that I am needed on a different project? I knew that I was about to be fired. Wife walked by and ignored when I blew her a kiss? Well, the marriage is over. I tell my kids to do something / quit doing something and they ignored me? Well, I am the worst parent in the world and I am turning them into Jeffrey Dahmer/Hanoi Hannah.
This is what depression can do. The brain just does not seem to work right.
But that is not what this is about. This is about today being a good day. Let us all hope for more of these until I can get the help I need.
