Thinking…..
Will be more beer tonight……Not due to depression, but to hopefully clear the crap from the old brain box and help me figure out where to go and what to do. SO much going on right now, but even with all the shit that may come down, I am feeling good about myself again. And that is a good thing. Hell, even this weekend as I got stood up, I really wanted to know what her issue was instead of what was wrong with me. Yeah, There was a lot of self-doubt and self depreciation that crept in. But, for the most part, I kept it in check.
Even while getting a bit drunk.And I talked to the girl that stood me up. There is interest there. A lot of interest. But she is one who has to commit all the way. And as long as my wife is in the picture, she is not sure that she can. LOL…..She sure wants to. Her words, not my ego talking there. Actually the quote was “I know what would have happened if I got you alone……Mmmm MMMmmm mmmmm”
It is so nice to feel wanted. And hell, let’s call it what it is. It is a bit nice to feel lusted after. It has been a while since I have felt that.
She is scared. Scared of what happens if we start something, especially with me still being married. Even more so, with me still being in love with da Missus. But she also knows da Missus and considers her a good friend. And she also knows our whole history. And she also knows our children and is madly in love with them. She knows that da Missus and I are still not resolved, but my heart currently still belongs to da Missus. I would cut off all contact with this new girl to regain what da Missus and I had. But maybe I need to realize that what I am looking for with da Missus only exists in my head and in my fantasies.
Hell, I am scared, because I do know a solution, but I cannot do it.
*SIGH*
This sux………And is awesome
