Code Name D.A.D. … Defeat Anger Daily

OK….Sorry about last nights post. Was just feeling real lonely. Woke up today doing a might bit better.

 However, work ended up sending me back into the dumps.

I spent the day moving from one desk to another. And while this should not seem like a big deal, it ended up churning up a bunch of feelings. Why? Quite simple, the last time I moved desks, I was still married. Unpacking drawers unearthed many things. Little love notes, cards form past anniversaries and Valentines, pictures…..

Memories of a better time and place. A place I would like to return to, but it is gone. It was tough dealing with that.

Moving to a new floor also reunited me with some old acquaintances. And many of them had not seen me in a while, or at least been able to talk to me for a while. So of course the question of how da Missus and da Twinsies have been doing. So I had to tell many times the seperation. A few it left in tears. And that was just me telling them we were no longer together.

Twas a very difficult day. And as I reunite with more of them, and many of them who were friends with da Missus, I will have to explain again and again that we are no longer together. And each time, I tell of it, it feels like it did the first day I realized that it was over.

Today, I hurt.

Today, I feel alone.

Today, I wonder if anyone who really knows me gives a shit.

Today, I wonder is it because they know me they do not give a shit?

Today is one of those days I wonder if I can make it through tomorrow.

I will……I somehow always do

Life is going good. Here is a rundown…..

     Work—Same old shit. Starting a new shift with a new boss Monday. We shall see how that goes.

     da Twins — Cute as ever. Growing and boggling my mind more and more each day. I miss them

     da Missus — My feelings on her are going to get a very long post in the very near future, LOL THAT ought to open some eyes). Seriously though, things between her and I are going quite well. She is happy in her new life, and I am happy in mine.

     Dating — Having a blast at that. As my regular readers know, there have been three young ladies I have been pursuing. Well, I think I am going to have to slow down with one of them. As "just friends" she is getting a little to much at the moment. Another just can’t quit being squirrelly (see previous post). While the third is continuing to be a facinating dance. Absolutly no clue where it will end up with her, and dammit, I think I like that.

     Friends—Buddy of mine was in town. He was up trying to get some old generators starting. He was hit by Ike. Generators had been in storage……Well, since Reagan was in office. The first time. Looking back, I think the generators were just an excuse to hang out. I had a blast. I think he did, too. I wish we could have gotten one of the generators to work, but we did not. Then again, I think we may have had the wrong idea with one of them. I think we misunderstood the power source. It may have been a steam engine…..

I have lots more to say and most of these topics, nut right now, I just have not had the focus to sit down and type it all out.   I will be offline most of the weekend.

I know. Men are dawgs. They are pigs. Men are only after one thing. Yeah yeah yeah….Tell me something I don’t know

 What I am trying to find out, is if a guy ask you out on date, and you have no interest, is it that hard to just say "NO"?????

To say yes, and then to cancel, or even worse, just not show up is the epitome of rudeness. If you are worried about hurting feelings, TRUST ME, the feelings are hurt even more when the guy is stood up. 

Or, is that the idea??? To insult the guy so he will never ask you again?

Either way, I have finally learned my lesson with one particular lady.

From an email interview with Berkely Breathed……..

Onion: Have you decided what you want to be when you grow up?

B. Breathed: Dad. The rest is frosting.

 What else can be said?? He got it right

But I like sex too much……??????????

A young lady friend of mine was leaving work today, and as she was going out, she gave me a hug. No big deal.

Until she pulled her head off my shoulder, peaked around and gave a quick kiss…..

Nothing more than a peck on my lips, but more than had ever happened before.

A few hours later, I was talking to another co-worker and she brought up the time she stood me up. And the reason for it. This prompted me to send her an email finally stating how I feel. This will either lead to a restraining order or a possibly serious, intense relationship. This is the same girl who a few months ago we were talking and flirting and so forth. As she was leaving the common hallway to her portion of the cube farm we work in, I (jokingly) ask where my hug was. She gave me a hug, looked at me, and I gave her a quick kiss. She pulled away, laughed, peeked around and gave me a kiss back. We stood there lip-locked for damn near 30 seconds after that. May not sound like much, but at our workplace, that could have gotten us BOTH terminated…

Did I mention that I have been seeing someone off and on for a month or so already? According to her, we are just friends (friends with benefits however), but we also talk every day. EVERY SINGLE DAY. 

I am lost. But in a good way.

I am the essence of overconfidence! I am speculation, adventure, the spirit of pursuit, the stag howling for its winsome yet anonymous mate. I am the love call of evolution; the perfume and color of the flowers as they offer their pollen to the gentle buzz of the bees. I am sex itself, gentlemen. I am life. I am appetite! — Hawkeye  Pierce M*A*S*H* Season 7

For family, friends, neighbors and total stranger in the path of IKE. My prayers and thoughts are with you. Good Luck

HI Reader (s). There is a little button at the bottom of each post that says "comments". Can ya’ll use it one in a while?

THANKS

Damn, it is so good not to be constantly pissed anymore. Yeah, that is a good chunk of the reason she left me. I, too, could not let stuff go a lot.

No…..More accurate statement is neither of us would change our ways. She would piss me off. I would fester and boil. She would lock up or look elsewhere to talk and whatever. i got angrier about that. She did what she had to do to avoid the anger.  And so it got to the point she no longer wanted to be with me.

I miss her. I probably will always miss her. But here is the funny part. I am getting to a point where I am not sure I can take her back. If she ever does want to come back, I am not going to let thing be the way they were. I will have certain expectations. A lot of these expectation are mainly for myself. 

I guess that is not true. I will always take her back, especially since there are da Twinsies. I will always love her. That will never, ever change.  I guess it is all pointless though to talk about. I know she has zero interest in coming back to me. And I can honestly say, it is now her loss.

I know a lot of what is helping me is the fact that I am dating again. And while I have only been out on dates with one person so far, I know that there are others who have interest and vice versa. I see this now. The best part is, from what I can tell, their interest is in me. Yeah, I have been at a point where more than one person wanted to date me, but they were doing to piss off the other girl I was with, to fuck with my life or to try and stir jealousy in someone they were trying to be with. These seem to be interested in ME. Little old me. ROCK ON.

Life keeps coming at you, and you can fight it, swim with it, just keep your head above the waves, or…….You can grab a board AND RIDE THE FUCKING WAVE!!!!!!!

That is where I am now. And it is where I plan to stay. 

RIDE THE WAVE. CARPE DIEM AND ALL THAT SHIT.

And Remember…….Life, in the end…..No one will get out of it alive.

And now, it is time for me to continue jamming with the Gopher……….(See me dancing @ the 1 minute mark)