Code Name D.A.D. … Defeat Anger Daily

As I told ya’ll in a previous post, I have recently moved into a new desk at work. And, while helping out a co-worker, I reached over for a pen, and found that it did not work. In the grand scheme of things not really a big deal, right? Truth be told, for whatever reason, I did not use the pen very much any way. I like the way it looked and thought it was cool, but it did not write the way I like my pens to write. The easy answer is to just toss it.

But, that is something I still cannot do. A week later, it is still sitting in a special compartment of a drawer in my desk.

Why not toss it? It is a pen that da Missus gave me many years ago, and I cannot seem to just throw it out.

And in so many ways, it symbolizes where I feel our relationship is right now.

We were not working. We were both miserable at the time. But I cannot let go. I truly wish I could just walk away from what we had and move on, but I still struggle in quiet desperation to figure out a way to rekindle what we had at one time.

And yes, it is more than da Twinsies. This is more than me missing my children. This is a feeling that she and I are supposed to be together, and not together just through the kids, but the grow old and live happily ever after type of bullshit

Every moment of every day I am tormented, between calling her and crying and begging and doing anything I can to bring her back, and having absolutely no contact with her outside of asking to see / speak to da Twinsies.

I still help hher in every way that I feel that I can, but I am also torn to tell her to get my replacement to do it for her. But that is just the anger talking. I want to help, but I also want her back.

It hurts more than anything I have ever gone through. It hurts more than losing our daughter. It hurts more than the kidney stone I passed a few weeks ago. And that stone was about the size of a #2 pencil.

Maybe one day I will be able to move on. Maybe one day, she will realize that she made a mistake. Maybe both will happen.

Maybe I should join a Monastery. Maybe I should join a motorcycle gang…..

Or maybe I should just grow up, deal with what has been handed to me and move on…..

And maybe, just maybe, I need to just throw the damn pen away…….But not today

So no one told you life was going to be this way.

Your job’s a joke, you’re broke, you’re love life’s DOA.

It’s like you’re always stuck in second gear,

Well, it hasn’t been your day, your week, your month, or even your year.

But, I’ll be there for you, when the rain starts to pour.

I’ll be there for you, like I’ve been there before.

I’ll be there for you, cause you’re there for me too.

You’re still in bed at ten, the work began at eight.

You’ve burned your breakfast, so far, things are going great.

Your mother warned you there’d be days like these,

But she didn’t tell you when the world has brought you down to your knees.

That, I’ll be there for you, when the rain starts to pour.

I’ll be there for you, like I’ve been there before.

I’ll be there for you, cause you’re there for me too.

No one could ever know me, no one could ever see me.

Seems like you’re the only one who knows what it’s like to be me.

Someone to face the day with, make it through all the rest with,

Someone I’ll always laugh with, even at my worst, I’m best with you.

It’s like you’re always stuck in second gear,

Well, it hasn’t been your day, your week, your month, or even your year.

But, I’ll be there for you, when the rain starts to pour.

I’ll be there for you, like I’ve been there before.

I’ll be there for you, cause you’re there for me too.

> Let’s have a little fun. 

> Now, Here Is What You Are Supposed To Do…And

> Please Do Not Spoil The Fun!

Copy the post and place them in you blog….Let me know with a comment

> Delete My Answers

> Type In Your Answers

> The theory is that your friends will learn a lot of

> little known facts

>

> about you. Don’t forget to send it back, please!

> 1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?

 Great Grand Uncle or something of one of my parents….. 

> 2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?

Sunday Night 

> 3. Do you like your handwriting?

No, not really. But I never really thought about it

> 4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?

Turkey

> 5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?

Yes… 2 living one who was still born. All three special in my heart.

> 6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?

I think so…..

> 7.DO  YOU USE SARCASM A LOT?

Maybe occasionally……LOL

> 8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS ?

No……

> 9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?

Hell, YES!!!!!!!

> 10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?

Depends on my mood…Either fruity Pebbles or Honeycomb

> 11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?

Not unless I HAVE to

> 12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG?

Physically, not especially….emotionally, not currently, but I will survive anything 

> 13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?

Rocky Road

> 14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?

Eyes usually

> 15. RED OR PINK?

Neither???… BUT PROBABLY PINK if forced to choose….

> 16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?

> PHYSICALLY, My weight  MENTALLY, My trusting nature….And I also think that is my greatest strength…Ironic ain’t it….

> 17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST

The woman I was once married to…

> 18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU?

Yes, but not expecting them to

> 19. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?

VERY faded blue jeans

> 20. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?

A Bowl of nachos

> 21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?

An old Blues Brother’s CD and various work noises….

> 22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?

WTF??? What kind of question is this???? I guess Royal blue…..

> 23. FAVORITE SMELLS?

Fresh Bacon Cooking

> 24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?

My sis, last night….I think

> 25. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS?

She is one of my bestest friends in the whole wide world

> 26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?

Football and Hockey….

> 27. HAIR COLOR?

Boring Brown

> 28. EYE COLOR?

Blue

> 29. Do you wear contacts?

Yup….And NO they are NOT coloured, even though I get accused of it a lot.

> 30. FAVORITE FOOD?

Pizza OR BBQ….But NEVER BBQ’d Pizza!!!!!>

> 31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?

Both???

> 32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?

Pirates of the Caribbean / At World’s end…..

> 33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?

Black Pattern patterned……Brown Fishies all over it…

> 34. SUMMER OR WINTER?

WINTER!!!!!!!>

> 35. HUGS OR KISSES?

Yes, Please…..More????

> 36. FAVORITE DESSERT?

Chocolate cheesecake…..One of my own TYVM

> 37. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND?

Not a clue

> 38. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND

Same as above…

> 39. What book are you reading now?

A Brian Jacques Novel…Forgot the actual Title… 

> 40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?

Nothing actually on the one I use, but I have I have one’s with Pics of the Wife and kids where I can see then as I need to  

> 41. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON T.V. LAST NIGHT?

Pirates of the Caribbean III

> 42. FAVORITE SOUND?

My kids laughing…..And the sound of my lover as I please her…..

> 43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?

Beatles….Even though The Stones “Paint it Black” is one of my all time favs….

> 44. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?

Scotland…..Isle of Skye….>

> 45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?

I have been told I have a special one…..

> 46. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?

Memphis Tx….

> 47. WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK?  

“Uncle Skippy”

> WHAT TIME IS IT NOW

6:15 pm