Hey gang, just a quick post to tell all that i have not fallen off the face of the earth. I am have about a dozen posts bouncing around in my head. Home computer is crapped out. I am to lazy to Blackberry a long post. Work has been crazy crazy.
Soon, my poeple.
More of the sacred text of Barogelmon will sent out. My real life will be discussed. And we will keep cruising life.
One day Barogelmon, was sitting and started thinking about his life. He was remebering the good, remebering the the bad. He took them all and there he had…… Sorry, back to our story.
He was looking around a seeing all the good things he had. He had a nice shetter. He had wonderful friends. He had success.
But as all of us tend to do, Barogelmon started seeing the things he did not have. And started seeing what he once had that was lost. And started seeing the things he missed the most.
He started to wonder what would have happened if he had paid closer attention to his garden. He started to wonder what if he built a stronger fence to keep wild beasts out of his garden
And then he realized that reguardless of all the “what ifs”, all of the “could have beens” and “should haves” that what was done was done.
And earthquakes happen no matter how you prepare.
I am sitting @ my parent’s church’s parish hall. I see where they are putting together the picture phone directory. There is a picture of da Missus, myself, and da Twinsies. A picture of a life gone.
Soon I will be walking into Mass. Walking by the niche that holds the remains of the daughter we had who past away.
I will be sitting in mass alone in a crowded church.
I will be…
Content
I finally start a hobby that has facinating me for years.
Homebrewing.
Wanted to build a still. Expensive, dangerous, lots of work.
Homebrew beer. Specialty equipment, time consuming, work.
I am cheap and lazy.
Homemade wine. Hhmmmm found a system that was cheap and easy. Fitting, the same can be said about me. So I did it.
Followed the recipe, which I not realize missed a few key pointer. Cut fruit. Added suger. Blended properly. Sterilized bottle. Placed suger / fruit mix in sterilized bottle. Added yeast. covered as directed. Waited. Tinkered as added. Mixed as called for.
Today, I decided it was done. BIG MISTAKE. Strained and filter as called for. Poured into a new sterilized bottle. Sealed bottle. Was wating for final sediment to settle to bottom.
Later that day….
BOOM!!!!
Things I learned if I try again.
One does not decide when fermenting is done. If everything is not done fermenting, it will still ferment in new container, even when it is sealed in a glass bottle.
Fermenting causes gases to form.
Gases and liquids in a sealed glass contain build preasure. Preasure goes boom evebtually.
My kitchen smells like strawberry mash
1) I collect Tiggers
2) I want to start collecting also collect Dragons (Western European Style)
3) I am 33 years old (As of Dec 30th) (Now 37)
4) I am married separated from my wife
5) I have Boy / Girl twins
6) I am on my second marriage I have had two failed marriages
7) I am on have had my last marriage
8) I am a serious sports junkie
9) I love listening to Guitar Blues
10) My favorite thing to watch is Texas Aggie Football
11) Followed closely by Dallas Cowboy Football
12) I dropped out of collage
13) I work for the US Federal Government
14) I am very Anti Big Government
15) Politically, I would be happy if my agency disappeared
16) Financially, I would be crushed if my agency disappeared
17) I was once licensed to be a police officer in the state of Texas
18) I have carried a gun for a living, but not as a police officer
19) I have been shot at, and it had nothing to do with 17 or 18
20) I have a high sex drive My sex drive has slowed down in the last few months
21) Original removed…..Replacement …. I own a very big dog
22) I did not loose my virginity until after I Graduated high School
23) I met my current last wife online
24) I am a recovering alcoholic
25) I do believe you can still have an occasional drink and still be "recovered"
26) I smoke
27) I plan to quit smoking cigarettes this year Still planning this, not doing well
28) I used to be a kick ass soccer goalie
29) I am used to be passive in bed
30) Original removed…..Replacement …. I am learning how to make home made wine
31) Original removed…..Replacement …. I am still best friends with a guy I met back in 1990 or 1991
32) Fax machines freak me out
33) I want to start my own business
34) Because of the twins and loss of insurance, I will probably never start my own business
35) I ride a motorcycle I had to sell my motorcycle for bills
36) I have had to bury one of my children
37) My first car was a 1981 Honda Civic 2 door hatchback
38) I know how to have sex in a 1981 Honda Civic 2 door Hatchback
39) I am not pierced (YET) Still waiting on this one
40) I have a Tigger pouncing a soccer ball Tattoo on my right ankle
41) I want more tattoos
42) I am trying to learn how to cook
43) I can smoke a damn good Turkey
44) My first job was at What-a-Burger
45) I have never been fired from a job
46) I love beer
47) I have never broken up with any girl I have dated. All but one have broken up with me. The one I just kind of quit calling. This has changed … Sort of
48) I have a very loud and nasty temper
49) It takes a lot to make me loose my temper though
50) Original removed…..Replacement …. I make wonderful cheesiecakes, but they ALWAYS crack
51) I love gangster movies
52) I have yet to decide if the "new" Star Wars movies are really any good. Sure, great special effects, but is the story worth anything?
53) I know people who will kill me for having the previous thought
54) I love fantasy books (Tolkien, Brooks, Goodkind)
55) I think Pete Jackson did an Unbelievable job with the Lord of the Ring movies.
56) I have 1 cat
57) I am a dog person
58) I am embarrassed by who I voted for in the 2004 election. But not as embarrassed if I voted the other way. Same thing for 2008.
59) I have smoked pot
60) I have never tried anything stronger without a prescription
61) I do not believe I could ever become a vegetarian
62) I think pot should be legal
63) If pot was legal, I would not smoke it because it tastes bad
64) I am ADD / ADHD
65) I have been know to make people scream at me just because I cannot stop moving
66) I once totaled a car with my head
67) I have short term memory problems due to the wreck
67) I have short term memory problems due to the wreck
68) During a 6 week period, I was in an Honours English Class, a Remedial English Class and a Regular English Class. My grades in all 3 classes were the same
69) I have had beer for breakfast
70) I like spelling things the English way (See Honour above)
71) While I was Tarleton State University, I had a Tuba scholarship. Didn’t know there was such a thing as Tuba scholarships?? Don’t worry, neither did I then
72) I once went to Evening Song at Westminster Abbey while the Dali Lama of Tibet attended
73) I am Episcopalian
74) During confirmation class at age 17, I realized, that until then, I could not spell Episcopalian
75) I was once so drunk, I have no idea how I ended up in Mexico
76) I have hitchhiked from the border of Mexico to the Dallas Metroplex
77) I am 5ft 8 inches tall. And right now my weight is …. None of your damn business.
78) I am a bit sensitive about my weight right now
79) I was married on my favourite uncle’s birthday. It was a coincidence. However, me naming my son after him wasn’t
80) I once had a first date that 90% of it was spent in bed having sex. The date lasted an entire weekend. That’s right, a FIRST date. Does anyone have any question on why I married the girl I had that date with? LOL . . . Of course all good things must come to an end
81) I had no idea how hard 101 things about me would be so difficult
82) I had no idea how boring I am
83) I used to think the Front line managers where I work were complete and total idiots. Now I realize the idiocy goes a lot higher up. This may have to do with me about to become a front line manager.
84) Original removed…..Replacement …. I have taken ADD Medicine as an adult
85) I either wear sandals or Western boots to work
86) I have a pair of Tennis shoes that is over 8 yrs old and look less than 6 monthes old They finally fell apart.
87) I love Single Malt Scotch (Balvenie if you please)
88) I have a bad tendency to act without thinking. This has nearly destroyed my marriage
89) Until my first daughter was born, I did not want to have children
90) I believe you can never have too many pocket knives
91) I think most people are way too sensitive. Get over yourselves.
92) If I ever won the lottery, I would probably be even a cheaper bastard than I already am
93) Original removed…..Replacement …. I have taken anti-depressants
94) If I didn’t have a job, I could quite easily ride my motorcycle to some beautiful spot, read the day away and then do the same thing the very next day
95) I want a bowl of Rocky Road Ice Cream right NOW!!!!
96) I believe that golf is the world’s dumbest sport
97) I could spend an entire week’s vacation playing poker though
98) I still believe that sleep is one of the great waste of times there is. It is WAY overrated.
99) Watching my twins grow teaches me something new every day
100) I hate math
101) This list took 3 days to complete!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And an hour to update 4 years later.
I guess it has taken me a long time to really figure out what a real friend is. I look back over my early childhood, and realize that I had a number of "friends", but they were there only for me when things were good for all of us. When it was more advantageous for them not to be my friend, or when we got into a fight, their friendship was gone.
Funny, that. I truly believe that somewhere as a kid, someone who was very close to me stated "you’re not my friend anymore" and it hurt me. Hurt me worse than I realized. And it was not until recently that I figured this out.
However, this is not a "poor D.A.D" post. Nothing of the sort. This post is a victory post. This post is about a major miraculous turn around that has taken place. What happened to turn me around? I have really no idea. All I know is that I see things in a whole new light.
I think a lot of what happened had to do with this last weekend. I left town to go visit a friend. Twas a bit of a drive, but more importantly, it was spur of the moment. It was impromptu. It was totally uncalled for and liberating.
I did not worry about what "XYZ" would think. "XYZ" is no certain person, but a group of voices and people whose opinions I hold dear. Some of these people are not even in my life anymore. I finally realized that my perception of what certain people would think has been crippling me.
Will these people and voices still guide and direct me? Sure, they, to a point, are what I call “my conscience”. But what I have realized is that way to often, I let what I perceived these peoples opinions MIGHT be interfere with me living my life to the fullest.
And I am sure that I will do things that some of these people will not approve of. I am sure that from time to time I will make bad descisions and do stupid things. BUT….Right now, I feel that it is more important to live life and pay for consequences than slow rot away worrying about what someone else MIGHT think of me.
In the Play Julius Caesar by Shakespeare, Caesar states “Cowards die many times before their deaths, the valiant never taste of death but once."
Another quote states "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming ~ WOO HOO what a ride!" (I don’t know who said this one)
The key is that I was slowly dying. Rotting away wondering how my actions would affect what others thought of me. I was (am probably still will be for a while) worried about them losing their friendship. No more. I will still think about my actions of course. I will still see how my actions affect others. But I will no longer stop living worrying about what someone else will think about me or how it will affect our friendship.
My true friends love me, and will continue to love me. Sure, they will tell me when I do something stupid (as they should). But a true friend will continue to be a friend reguardless. I just now understand that.
I am going to live life. I am going to start doing all those things on my “I wanna do this someday list”.
Some day is NOW
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