Code Name D.A.D. … Defeat Anger Daily

I guess it has taken me a long time to really figure out what a real friend is. I look back over my early childhood, and realize that I had a number of "friends", but they were there only for me when things were good for all of us. When it was more advantageous for them not to be my friend, or when we got into a fight, their friendship was gone.

Funny, that. I truly believe that somewhere as a kid, someone who was very close to me stated "you’re not my friend anymore" and it hurt me. Hurt me worse than I realized. And it was not until recently that I figured this out.

However, this is not a "poor D.A.D" post. Nothing of the sort. This post is a victory post. This post is about a major miraculous turn around that has taken place. What happened to turn me around? I have really no idea. All I know is that I see things in a whole new light.

I think a lot of what happened had to do with this last weekend. I left town to go visit a friend. Twas a bit of a drive, but more importantly, it was spur of the moment. It was impromptu. It was totally uncalled for and liberating.

I did not worry about what "XYZ" would think. "XYZ" is no certain person, but a group of voices and people whose opinions I hold dear. Some of these people are not even in my life anymore.  I finally realized that my perception of what certain people would think has been crippling me.

Will these people and voices still guide and direct me? Sure, they, to a point, are what I call “my conscience”. But what I have realized is that way to often, I let what I perceived these peoples opinions MIGHT be interfere with me living my life to the fullest.

And I am sure that I will do things that some of these people will not approve of. I am sure that from time to time I will make bad descisions and do stupid things. BUT….Right now, I feel that it is more important to live life and pay for consequences than slow rot away worrying about what someone else MIGHT think of me.

In the Play Julius Caesar by Shakespeare, Caesar states “Cowards die many times before their deaths, the valiant never taste of death but once."

Another quote states "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming ~ WOO HOO what a ride!" (I don’t know who said this one)

The key is that I was slowly dying. Rotting away wondering how my actions would affect what others thought of me. I was (am probably still will be for a while) worried about them losing their friendship. No more. I will still think about my actions of course. I will still see how my actions affect others. But I will no longer stop living worrying about what someone else will think about me or how it will affect our friendship.

My true friends love me, and will continue to love me. Sure, they will tell me when I do something stupid (as they should). But a true friend will continue to be a friend reguardless. I just now understand that.

I am going to live life. I am going to start doing all those things on my “I wanna do this someday list”.

Some day is NOW

REACH FOR THE SUN!!!!!!!!