Anger Managment
I consider myself an easy going guy. I am the one that reguardless of the situation can still manage to be lighthearted to help other people out. I was making jokes to help da Soon to be ex Missus out at our daughter’s funeral. I was making jokes in triage while having chest pains. Last thing I said to my dad before I coded was a smartass comment, joking about the situation.
After “waking up” in the emergency room, it was only minutes before my first wise crack came out. Of course, I did not realize completely what had happened yet. My hospitol visits have been a blast cuz I have all new stories to tell a captive audience.
Well, now, I have no jokes. I feel fine, ready to wrestle bears. A 20+ smoking habit-gone. Cold turkey. 3 days, no cravings even. Caffenine? Not a drop in same time period. And this is from a 2 pot of coffee a day man PLUS a 54 to 80 oz od Dr Pepper on tip of that.
But even with that, I just found out no driving for a week AT LEAST. No lifting of 15 lbs or more for A MONTH. No work for possible up to 8 FUCKING WEEKS. This is NOT a physical job. And now, one of the few palces I can find accomplishment has been taken from me.
The best part? I need to vent. I need to yell. I need to curse and scream and punch things. And I cannot. Because this is one of those that I need to have my little temper tantrum WITH and audience. And no one will let me. I love them all but everyone will be so fucking worried about my heart, that no one will yell back. No one will tell me when enough is enough. They will either try to shush me down and not let it get out, or be so afraid of saying anything it will be worthless.
So, D.A.D. Physically is doing ok. Doing amazingly well for someone who coded out saturday morning. Mentally and emotionally, D.A.D. has had a really shitty downturn this AM.
Well, nurses, docs, familty and visitors are about to arrive. Time to put my mask back on and continue the happy face lies!!!! Because, with most of my family and friends , god forbid I ever get upset or angry or have negative emotions. And that was BEFORE all this BS. I mean it was my “anger” that destroyed my first marrigage. Who knows what will happen if I show emotion again?
If you want to vent, let me know. This is one I really think you need to let out, or you will drive yourself insane, and back to another heart attack. I am happy to come get you and us go somewhere away to let you vent.
Comment by Amy — June 9, 2009 @ 2:19 pm
Look at no work this way……..you get a rare chance to spend some of the summer vaca with your kidlets. If you can’t drive, or handle alone, I am happy to facilitate in any way I can.
Comment by Amy — June 9, 2009 @ 2:27 pm
last one, i think. this anger and grieving is a NORMAL part of what you experienced. Thank God you are saying something. I was terrified you would hold it in, pretend all is well.
Comment by Amy — June 9, 2009 @ 2:30 pm