Code Name D.A.D. … Defeat Anger Daily

No real reason for this post, but I felt a need to write …

— I had a date this weekend. I think it went well. Ended a bit oddly. Broke the “three day rule” and asked her out again the next day. Got a maybe. Hope it happens, if not, life will go on.
— I had my kids this last weekend. Everytime I see them they continue to amaze me. I cannot say how much I miss them.
— I had a dream last night. It took place in first person. Twas rather odd. I was chasing or looking for something or someone. Twas very important. Everytime I came to what I thought was my objective something happened. I was in a panic about not finding my goal, but I kept laughing at the obstacles.
— There is another lady who I think there is possible interet. Well, let me rephrase that, I have interest, and now I think she might also. Minor problem, she is married. I know better. I have screwed up and seriously fallen for someone who taken in the past. I still hurt on that one. Luckily, I still have a great friend. I may have interest, I am learning to behave. But with this new one…well, I don’t know. I am sure some out there will say I am going to hell for chasing married people, I am working on it. It is hard for me not to follow where my heart goes.
— Ended up asking someone out for drinks. Was for a night that I had already asked someone else out and was still awaiting an answer. Luckily one of the dates couldn’t make it. I am just glad I am showing balls again.
— I realized that I need to work on my “blind date” technique. Tis been a long damn time since I went out on a first date. Even longer for a real old style blind date.

More to come

Over the last 6 months to a year, an interesting thing has happened. I have either started dreaming again, or at least I am remembering my dreams. There have been enough of them that have been thought provoking enough that I am starting a new category just for dreams.

Here is a description of my dream format …

• They are in colour
• I know that I am dreaming when I have them
• They take place in the third person. It is almost as if I am watching them as an outsider. I see myself separately.
• Even though I am seeing myself as separate entity, I seem to still make the choices that I follow. Almost like I am controlling a video game character.

The latest dream that I had (Which I should have written down MUCH earlier, much of it has faded) took place about a month ago.

 It started with me at a restaurant or bar. I had actually decided to go out to this place and had dressed up rather well. I am there, eating my dinner, watching some sporting event on a big screen TV all is good. The waitress working my table was rather attractive and was responding to my banter/flirting. This is someone I had never seen or met before.

All the sudden, she was in my lap, kissing me deeply. She looked into my eyes and stated that she wanted me and wanted me now. She got up, and walked to the back of the restaurant and gave me a look, daring me to follow.

So of course, I followed her. We went out to the back of the restaurant, and there, right against the wall, we started making out. Hands we everywhere, but someone came out. We stopped and she told me to follow her, if I could keep up.  

She took me on a long chase all over town. And then I lost her. She was gone. As I was turning away I heard her call to me, asking if I was giving up that easy. I looked up and she was laughing at me from an apartment balcony.  

I went up to her room, followed her to her back room where we started again. She told me to grab a rubber, and I reach in to her medicine cabinet…….AND FOUND 30 VIALS OF INJECTABLE LAXATIVE. AL KINDS OF MOOD ALTERING PILLS!!!!

 Then her little sister who shared the room came in. She was about 12. The girl I was with wanted to continue, WITH THIS CHILD IN THE ROOM.I left, and then woke up…….And once again; even with the physical and sexual nature…..I had no “physical” reaction.

I am sure that I am putting way too much thought into what was a simple day dream. But there was just something about it that was so different. I think it was that there was as much emotional passion involved as physical passion. There were also no worries about whether I could satisfy her. I never worried about doing anything that she did not want. I did not worry about being too quick.

Thinking more about it, maybe that it what it was all about. Since it was a dream, (and we can be anything or anyone we want in our dreams) I felt absolutely no pressure to perform. In this particular situation, I felt that it was all about and totally about me being satisfied and satiated.

I do not think I am very good in bed. Let me restate that, I have been informed by multiple partners, that while I have some talents and do some things very well, I am a pretty bad fuck. Fact of the matter is, is that I have premature ejaculation on a very regular basis. And it is obvious a mental thing. I can go for quite a long time with foreplay or even oral action, but once the actual intercourse start; well that does it. We go in…..we go off.

It is rather embarrassing. Hell let me rephrase that, it is fucking humiliating. I have even forgone sex so I would not have to deal with it. I have tried creams. I have tried the deadening rubbers. No luck.

Ah…….Then there was this dream. This one wonderful dream. This dream was so realistic everything felt real. It felt like it was actually happening, even if the whole time I knew it was a dream. At no time did I feel any pressure to please her. There was no stress on whether I would be able to perform. Wow…..There is an eye-opening statement. I just realized that even in my fantasies, I was putting pressure on myself to “do it right”.

What I think I will try and figure out next, is that was I that at ease with everything due to it being a dream, or was it the person I seemed to be dreaming about. Was it the action or the person? Or does it matter?

Or, once again, am I putting way to much thought into a simple day dream fantasy?

Sunday afternoon I was taking a nap. And while napping I had a VERY pornographic dream. Was not planned. Sort of came out of nowhere. Hey, it happens, right? Admittedly, I also never tried to stop it from continuing….

What was bizarre about this dream was 1) who it was 2) how extreme and graphic it was and 3) my lack of arousal from the dream.

The person is a female who I have had a history with. But due to many reasons, that sexual part of our life is not active right now. And it may never be again. Who knows? I know that if the right set of circumstances I would jump at the chance. She and I are still very close just not in that way.

The dream itself was bizarre. It was almost straight from a porn movie. She was doing everything we had done before. She was willing and (in the dream) doing anything I have EVER imagined. I got a blowjob. I titty fucked her. I had intercourse with her in all kinds of positions and styles. Anything. EVERYTHING. What made it even more interesting, it that it was taking place in the half awake / half asleep stage when you KNOW that you are dreaming. So I knew this was all a dream, but it would not stop. Of course, it was entertaining / enjoyable enough, I did not try and stop it. While it was very pornographic and extremly graphic; it was not not just physical. Therre was feelings There was a passion between us. There was emotion. We were almost on a different plane of exsistance it was so intense. As animalistic as parts of it were, we were truly making love. At a level I have never been at with her.

I guess the thing that I truly found odd, is that physically, it did nothing for me. To be blunt, I never even got erect. I never even began to get erect. I mean nothing happened downstairs. It was like walking by a buffet of your favorite food, but not being hungry.

I really did enjoy the dream. I would even like to make the dream a reality. I cannot say that it won’t ever happen, but I am not looking for it to, nor will I ever actively try and make it happen. I do not realistically ever expect it to happen.

Maybe that is why the dream has stuck out so much. Maybe it was the amount of feelings that we were able to share. Maybe it was the physical matching being as intense as it was and the emotional level being even more so.

So, am I overanalyzing this all? Does it mean anything? should I tell the person (if they do not read this) about the dream? Was it just a wet dream that I could not get it up for? Is it my psyche teling me that this is someone that I should pursue? Was it a fantasy that I need to just keep as a fantasy? Was it just a dream? Do any of you dream interpreter have an idea?