Code Name D.A.D. … Defeat Anger Daily

Sometimes, everything just seems to come together.

da Missus is soon to officially be the ex-missus. Paperwork w/ the courts to make it official. It still hurts. It may always have a twinge of pain, but progress is being made. Everything is amicable. No real issues, judge just has to sign it.

Work is still a pain. I still get frustrated at many of the people who I see get promoted, and even more frustrated at many I see in higher jobs, but I am not letting it get to me. I keep fighting. And I am also now starting to make it well know to those above that I need more duties, and more additional assignments. More work? Yes, but more of a chance of being noticed.

da Twinsies are growing mentally and physically almost as I blink. They make me laugh all day. So much energy. So much fun. So much EVERYTHING.

And then there is my new girlfriend. Wow. I mean damn. I mean there is just so much it is almost overwhelming. She is in my mind all the time. It is frightening. She and I have know each other forever. But this has been the first time we have tried to be an "us". There was always someone or something or whatever in the way. But now, we are giving it a try. And yes, I can say it…. I am in love ! ! ! ! ! ! Guess that is all for now, updates to come

I am sort of seeing someone. It is hard to define since we have know each other for a long time. However, in the last week things have gone a different direction.

So now what do I do? This is serious.

Do I tell the ex? Seeing how da Twinsies will be seeing al ot of her probably it might be prudent.

What do I say the kids? Is she my Friend? Girlfriend? Lover?

And I cannot even figure how to deal with her side of the family……..

Uncharted territory for me……

I have met a young lady and I think she and I are doing well. We have talked about going out on a date numerous times. It is getting to the point where I need to take her out or walk away.

Why am I nervous about asking her out?

Becasue it feels like I am cheating on someone who I have no chance of being with…….

It is amazing what you will do to be with someone you love and want to be with.

Update:

And sometimes  you have to wonder WTF happened

Harry Burns: What I’m saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form - is that men and women can’t be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.
Sally Albright: That’s not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
Harry Burns: No you don’t.
Sally Albright: Yes I do.
Harry Burns: No you don’t.
Sally Albright: Yes I do.
Harry Burns: You only think you do.
Sally Albright: You say I’m having sex with these men without my knowledge?
Harry Burns: No, what I’m saying is they all WANT to have sex with you.
Sally Albright: They do not.
Harry Burns: Do too.
Sally Albright: They do not.
Harry Burns: Do too.
Sally Albright: How do you know?
Harry Burns: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally Albright: So, you’re saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?
Harry Burns: No. You pretty much want to nail ‘em too.
Sally Albright: What if THEY don’t want to have sex with YOU?
Harry Burns: Doesn’t matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.  When Harry met Sally

 So there is the girl that I am really good friends with. She just ended a relationship. She is sexy as hell. I want her. Right now, I am her "friend" She knows how I feel. She is hurt. I want her. I have wanted a shot for a long damn time. She is married. The relationship she just ended is not with her husband.

Am I a friend?

Do I take a shot?

Do I behave?

FUCK FUCK FUCK.

I have wanted her for a long damn time. She is married and that is not endeding. She does mess around though. 

No real reason for this post, but I felt a need to write …

— I had a date this weekend. I think it went well. Ended a bit oddly. Broke the “three day rule” and asked her out again the next day. Got a maybe. Hope it happens, if not, life will go on.
— I had my kids this last weekend. Everytime I see them they continue to amaze me. I cannot say how much I miss them.
— I had a dream last night. It took place in first person. Twas rather odd. I was chasing or looking for something or someone. Twas very important. Everytime I came to what I thought was my objective something happened. I was in a panic about not finding my goal, but I kept laughing at the obstacles.
— There is another lady who I think there is possible interet. Well, let me rephrase that, I have interest, and now I think she might also. Minor problem, she is married. I know better. I have screwed up and seriously fallen for someone who taken in the past. I still hurt on that one. Luckily, I still have a great friend. I may have interest, I am learning to behave. But with this new one…well, I don’t know. I am sure some out there will say I am going to hell for chasing married people, I am working on it. It is hard for me not to follow where my heart goes.
— Ended up asking someone out for drinks. Was for a night that I had already asked someone else out and was still awaiting an answer. Luckily one of the dates couldn’t make it. I am just glad I am showing balls again.
— I realized that I need to work on my “blind date” technique. Tis been a long damn time since I went out on a first date. Even longer for a real old style blind date.

More to come

Sunday afternoon I was taking a nap. And while napping I had a VERY pornographic dream. Was not planned. Sort of came out of nowhere. Hey, it happens, right? Admittedly, I also never tried to stop it from continuing….

What was bizarre about this dream was 1) who it was 2) how extreme and graphic it was and 3) my lack of arousal from the dream.

The person is a female who I have had a history with. But due to many reasons, that sexual part of our life is not active right now. And it may never be again. Who knows? I know that if the right set of circumstances I would jump at the chance. She and I are still very close just not in that way.

The dream itself was bizarre. It was almost straight from a porn movie. She was doing everything we had done before. She was willing and (in the dream) doing anything I have EVER imagined. I got a blowjob. I titty fucked her. I had intercourse with her in all kinds of positions and styles. Anything. EVERYTHING. What made it even more interesting, it that it was taking place in the half awake / half asleep stage when you KNOW that you are dreaming. So I knew this was all a dream, but it would not stop. Of course, it was entertaining / enjoyable enough, I did not try and stop it. While it was very pornographic and extremly graphic; it was not not just physical. Therre was feelings There was a passion between us. There was emotion. We were almost on a different plane of exsistance it was so intense. As animalistic as parts of it were, we were truly making love. At a level I have never been at with her.

I guess the thing that I truly found odd, is that physically, it did nothing for me. To be blunt, I never even got erect. I never even began to get erect. I mean nothing happened downstairs. It was like walking by a buffet of your favorite food, but not being hungry.

I really did enjoy the dream. I would even like to make the dream a reality. I cannot say that it won’t ever happen, but I am not looking for it to, nor will I ever actively try and make it happen. I do not realistically ever expect it to happen.

Maybe that is why the dream has stuck out so much. Maybe it was the amount of feelings that we were able to share. Maybe it was the physical matching being as intense as it was and the emotional level being even more so.

So, am I overanalyzing this all? Does it mean anything? should I tell the person (if they do not read this) about the dream? Was it just a wet dream that I could not get it up for? Is it my psyche teling me that this is someone that I should pursue? Was it a fantasy that I need to just keep as a fantasy? Was it just a dream? Do any of you dream interpreter have an idea?

I am in an incredibly boring class for the rest of the week. I will probably be posting frequently.

SO I went down to Austin as I said earlier with a friend of mine. It really did not go all to well. She was, to put it mildly, a bitch most of the weekend. So that was a bit of a turn off.

But the real problem that I had that kept hitting me at the weirdest times was the thought that kept piercing through my mind….

You are a married man…..You are not with your wife….This is WRONG!!!